Of course it’s different this year. We’re not discussing Thanksgiving consumption patterns as cardinal sins, even if they do foster ugly memories of bloat and lethargy. We’re not at book club, sharing stories of tipsy relatives. We’re not planning prequel activities for younger guests. And we’re certainly not wanting to acknowledge that the remainder of 2020 will likely look similar.

Some of us are simply aging through emotions surrounding fractured traditions and family separation this week. In our home, that means for the first time ever, and I mean ever, we won’t be together. A few of us will gather, but the house will not be filled with all the siblings, grandkids, aunts, cousins, and in-laws that create the unique flavor of Thanksgiving dinner around our crowded table. We won’t be deciding who sleeps where. Our grown sons will not be shooting their annual Wednesday evening Santa photo at the local mall. They won’t walk into our house costumed, waving that ridiculous photo in our faces. We won’t take an hour deciding our Imo’s pizza order. We won’t discuss Alan’s lumpy mashed potatoes, nor the year I accidentally thickened my gravy with powdered sugar.

Many of us in our 60’s and beyond have wandered into the holiday season in an absent-minded fashion. Suddenly it’s Thanksgiving week, and we’re trying our best to go through the usual motions. Advice abounds on how to manage stress during this extended quarantine era, but that doesn’t mean we can or should avoid the emotions welling up after the disruption of lifetime traditions.

Perhaps it’s time we acknowledge the uncertainty; even own it. Our personal stories, our sadness, our strengths, our fears, and faith in a healthy future. We may mask our feelings with busyness and preparations, but this might be the very moment that we stop to wallow in the whole enchilada; honoring special memories, lost loved ones, wellbeing, illness, isolation, and togetherness. At this age, we know that life challenges are, well, part of life. One missed meal is hardly reason for mourning, but this year it’s cloaked in the collective angst of Covid as our only marker of time.

So rather than sugar coating it, let’s look at a few options for taking the sting out of the weeks ahead:

Breathe. This is the simplest way to move through the tough moments. Full inhalations, full exhalations. Soft and fluid, like waves on a beach.

Prioritize absent guests. Schedule a Zoom game, pick up the phone, start a group text with photos, drop off a plate of food, deliver a pie with a message of love, do a drive-by visit.

Take a walk outdoors. The crisp air regenerates our spirit, activates our positive hormones, and aids digestion.

Carry on a few traditions. Make the pumpkin cake. Share the leftovers or freeze it for a December binge. Use the good china.

Acknowledge grief. No need to rank our angst against others’ hardships to “earn” the right to grieve. We’re not insensitive because we feel cheated out of our traditions.

Give thanks. We already know we have abundant blessings. Count them, revel in them, share them this season.

Give love. Find someone who needs that extra dose of kindness and make a move. We’ll surely get more than we give.

Wishing you a peace-filled, healthy Thanksgiving,

Lisa

Thanksgiving: 2020 Style